


Rays of Sunshine and Blood

by nenela16



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Blood, Depression, Even POV, I don't know if this will have a happy ending, I will update the tags as I go, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Self-Harm, Texting, Therapy, but i hope is a happy one, i have not figure it out yet, trigger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:26:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11060886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nenela16/pseuds/nenela16
Summary: Even sees an angel in the bus and can't stop thinking about him. The angel makes his soul less dark but he doesn't know if it is enough to save himself.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys.  
> Well I'm very nervous to post this fic. Is my first long fic I have written in a very long time. I wrote a one-shot when Season 3 of Skam ended, is called Learning but for a while inspiration hasn't been on my side so I have struggled to write anything. But I decided to push myself because since I started watching Skam last year I have wanted to write a fic for it. Even means so much to me, is like seeing myself represented in that tv show so my fic is from his POV.  
> I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression when I was 13 and I have suffered from self harm since I was 12. So that's why I decided to change Even mental illness, I don't know much of Bipolar Disorder so I was scared of not doing it justice or messing out something and offending someone. For that I decided to write about something I'm very familiar with and also to tell a little bit of my life story. Things will get very sad at one point and I'm scared of that and what it can bring, I'm scared of putting myself out there and telling stuff not a lot of people know but one of the things that makes me feel good is writing so here goes nothing.  
> English is not my first language so please sorry for any mistakes. I will try to update as fast as possible but well I have a full time as a manager at one of the resorts at Disney World so I'm sorry if sometimes I don't post as often.  
> I have much more to say but I don't wanna bore you guys. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this. Comments and kudos are appreciated!  
> Thank you
> 
> Nenela
> 
> P.S: thank you to Re, tumblr: illicteffervescence .

**06-01-2017**

It was a normal Thursday for Even. School in the morning and then at 5 pm his therapy session with Siv. He tried to go to therapy as often as he could, it was kind of a promise he made to his mom two years ago. He was seated in the bathtub full of cold water because he spent three hours inside of it and with the door locked. Even wanted everything to stop but he didn’t have the courage to end it.

When he was 13 years old he was diagnosed with Clinical Depression. Before that he didn’t understand why he was so sad and why he was feeling so useless, his life wasn’t full of problems or a bad childhood. He just didn’t get it but after a bad meltdown two years ago his mom suggested to try therapy to see if talking to someone that was unbiased would help him out.

Since then things haven’t changed much, Even was still battling his demons but he was a little bit better. He knew how to control it most of the time. He knew when the depression was creeping slowly into his life. He knew when to ask for help, which was a big step for him.

In his second year at Bakka he met this beautiful girl that just transferred to third year. Her beautiful brown eyes were like a paradise that Even wanted to spend the rest of his days, and her pale skin was like porcelain. She knew from the beginning what was she was getting herself into and she promised to be there, to be that supportive girlfriend everybody wants. Never suffocating and always full of love.

That's better said than done.

Some days Even felt he couldn't breath, it was like someone was sitting on his chest and laughing on top of him. He was trying to fight it but he could feel how he was giving up little by little. His strength disappeared and he gave up total control. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst. The kisses were still nice and the hugs felt like little pieces of clouds on his worst days. When the tears were falling down his cheeks he loved to hide his face in her hair, it always smelled like coconut. It was relaxing.

They fell into a routine. They would walk together to school, eat lunch together, go home to do some homework, watch a movie or two, make out in bed, some nights she would spend the night wrapped around Even like she was afraid of him slipping away but most of the nights Even would tell her how tired he was. He didn’t have a heart to tell her the truth, but apparently that’s what happens when your brain is covered in sad and desperate thoughts. Your heart gets cloudy and your soul gets dark.

He was sorry.

Until he wasn’t.

“I love you” Sonja said while waving goodbye to him and the bus stop that afternoon. He didn’t have time to tell Sonja how much he loved her because if he was honest he wasn’t sure if he loved her anymore. It was like when you say it to a friend, like when you don’t want to break someone's heart, like when words lose their meaning.

Even hated himself for it.

“Siv, I couldn’t tell her I loved her today” He was seated in a comfortable chair facing his therapist, a big window by his left that you could see the city outside. It wasn’t a cold day, finally. “She looked me into the eyes and said those three words that mean so much to her but nothing to me”

“Did you ever love her?” No matter how many questions Siv would ask him hey never felt like she was questioning him, it always felt like she truly cared about the answer. He didn’t know if it was because therapists learn how to fake that or if they truly mean it but no matter what it was Even always liked to give her answers. No matter how hard it was to talk about stuff.

“I don’t know really” He squinted his eyes to really think about it. He has been 5 years together with Sonja, he has said many i love you’s but he really can’t pinpoint when was the last time he felt butterflies in his stomach over Sonja.

“You know that love doesn’t need to be a romantic feeling, it can be about caring about someone. Like caring about a friend or a family member” He turned his head to look at her, she had this sweet smile. He was so grateful to have found Siv. “Maybe you always meant it but not in the same way she did”

“I don’t know if I could ever love someone you know? By this point I don’t even know what love is anymore”

“Even, love is different for everybody. What loves means to me is different from what other people think love is” her voice was always soft and smooth, he always wonder what it would be like to listen to her voice while going to sleep. She must read the best nighttime stories to her kids. “I think you know what love is but you haven’t fully experience it yet. Give yourself time”

He smiled at her, a sad smile that was. His mom always said he had this beautiful smile that would make the saddest person in the room happy again. That his eyes would crinkle a bit on the sides and you could see his "vampire teeth" (like his mom would call them), it was absolutely breathtaking. You would never think someone with a smile like that would have such a sad soul.

There was a moment of silence, Siv was writing some notes in her notepad and Even was just looking outside just thinking about the words she said. Maybe he loved Sonja but as a friend, a really good friend. Yes, they kissed and had sex before but for a long time now he had try to avoid it because it didn’t feel appropriate. It wouldn’t be the right thing to do but well being with someone you feel trapped by isn’t the right to do now but here we are.

Even was holding his notebook on his lap, he never would leave his house without it. He liked to draw a little bit while he was alone. Not because he thought he was bad at drawing but mostly because of what was he drawing.

“Have you seen him lately?” She didn’t have to say any names or elaborate more because he knew exactly who she was talking about. He opened his book and looked through his drawings, smiling to himself like a dork. He couldn’t help himself.

Every day that he needed to take the bus to go to his therapist there was this angel sitting a few seats away from him, with his snapbacks and his beautiful golden curls coming out of them. Even grew fascinated with the angel and couldn't stop drawing him. Drawing the beautiful green eyes that would sometimes look at him but never stare, drawing his perfectly straight nose, drawing the most kissable cupid bow, drawing those long fingers going through the blonde curls. His notebook was full of portraits of The Golden Boy but there wasn’t any reason in his mind to stop. It was harmless, he was just admiring him. The only person who knew about his drawings was his therapist.

“Yes, I saw him today again” He traced one of the drawings with his fingers. It was a profile of the boy’s face, like the ones you see on the coins. There was a faint smile in the boy’s face and his eyes were a bit tired but he looked beautiful like always, Even wanted to know what he was thinking and that moment. “I can’t see myself stop” He looked at her, his eyes full of worry and desperation.

“Do you want to stop?” Siv has never said anything bad about him drawing a stranger he sees in a bus every now and then, she has never said it was creepy or something like it. It was like she knew what this meant to Even.

“No, I like how I feel when I draw him”

“Tell me” She crossed her legs and put her notepad a side.

“Peace. I feel at peace when I draw him. It’s a different kind of peace Siv, is like when you are looking at the ocean from the top of a rock” Even’s eyes were shining like a thousand of stars were trapped inside of his sky blue eyes. “He doesn’t even know me and i don’t know him either but he makes my days better, well at least the ones when I see him”

“Have you ever felt this kind of peace before?”

“No, not even with Sonja,” he sounded sad but he tried to just shake it off. “With her was different. It just feel safe and comfortable but never like this” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes “Never like this”

Siv didn’t say anything for a few minutes, she always give him time to talk and to see if he even wanted to keep talking. He opened his eyes once again and smiled, just a tiny smile. They talked about how he has been feeling about finishing his third year; it was a few months before graduation but he still didn’t know much what he wanted to do. He considered going to UiO or to even apply for art programs in Europe but always thinking about it made him feel nervous. Living by himself.

He has talked to Sonja about it before but she always shot him down, telling him he couldn’t control his depression by himself, that he needed his therapist and he needed her. She even said she would be willing to leave her studies and go live with him if he decided to leave Oslo. The very thought of that made Even cringe. The were several times that Even thought of talking to Sonja about how he has been feeling about their relationship but he didn’t have the heart to break hers, if he needed to keep pretending to love her then he will. He was a coward.

When he talks to Siv he feels more relaxed and like something just lifted from his shoulders. The fact that he could talk to her about how the boy made him feel. On the ride home he saw his beautiful boy, it was the first time he saw him twice in a day but is not like he was complaining. There was something different about him this time. His eyes were red and not full of light like earlier this afternoon. His beautiful and straight nose was red and his face was almost covered by his hoodie.

His golden boy was crying.

Even's heart started to break piece by piece, he could hear the sound of them hitting the floor. He wanted to get up and go hug him, take him home and make him some tea. Nobody so beautiful should be crying, nobody that looked like an angel should be looking so sad.

He quickly took his notebook out and made a quick funny doodle, he wanted to make his boy laugh or even bring a quick smile to his face. He didn’t know how much time he would have until the boy will have to get off the bus. He tried to remember a funny meme from the internet and put his own twist to it. He also put a quick text on the bottom of it “No one with eyes that shine like the brightest stars should experience sadness”. He knows in first hand how it is like to feel sad and hopeless.

But his angel brings the best in him.

The bus was making the next stop and he saw how the boy got up and dried his eyes with the sleeve from his hoodie. Even couldn’t take the pain of seeing him like that. He folded the piece of paper and when his boy passed next to him he saw on of the zips of the boy’s backpack was slightly open so he silently slipped the piece of paper through it. Even didn’t know if the boy would actually see it or if it would make him smile but he could only hope.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is incredible what a name can do to a man's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. So I decided to add days on the top of the chapters, it will make it easier for me to keep track of the chapters. I know that maybe won't follow the school year in Norway but well this is fantasy so I didn't worry to much about that. I have been dealing on how those two will meet but I think I have a nice idea. I'm trying to avoid the sadness for as long as possible lol. I'm sorry.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and comments on the first chapter. It makes the writing better :).
> 
> Nenela

_**06-5-2017** _

It wasn’t usual for someone to join him for the tram ride but today Mikael needed to buy some books at a bookstore that was close to Even’s therapist office. He didn’t mind having some company but he always liked the silence of the ride when he was by himself and obviously he didn’t have to explain to anyone why he was staring at a certain Blonde Angel. He needed to be a bit less obvious. He tried.

It has been almost five days since the last time he met with Siv, there were days he didn’t feel like going to therapy and his parents didn’t push him. They told him to go when he felt he needed to, they didn’t want to control him. Since he was diagnosed they promised not to control him but to trust him, to trust his decisions and to be able to talk and ask for help when he needed to.

Five days without seeing his boy, five days without his smile and golden curls, five days of asking himself why his boy was crying, five days of wondering if he saw the drawing, five days of almost no smiles. Five days without peace.

They enter the tram, Mikael has been talking about this girl from their history class since they left school. Even wasn’t really listening because his eyes were already scanning the tram to see if his boy was already there. Sadly there wasn’t any blonde curls hanging around.

“She has the prettiest laugh Even” Mikael continued describing every single thing about this girl that Even didn’t care about. They sat down next to each other, Mikael always taking the window seat. “Sometimes I try to look at jokes online so I can tell her one so she can laugh” He thought that was the lamest thing somebody could do but hey, he has a notebook full of drawings of a stranger.

“Why don’t you just ask her out already?” Even knew that was best said and done. He has been looking at his Golden Boy for months now and he hasn’t had the courage to outer one word towards him but he just thinks about the time he asked Sonja out on a date, it was easy and painless. “Just go to her with your dorky face and ask for her number”

“Not everybody has James Dean looks Even, some of us are foolish mortals” Mikael points to his own face, like implying he was bad looking. Even just simply rolls his eyes.

He doesn’t really remember when he started to look at boys different but it was never a big deal to Even, for him everybody had their own beauty no matter what your gender is. He found girls and boys equally attractive, he liked how sometimes boys could be so soft and delicate just like girls could be so independent and strong. But hooking up with either was never his number one priority.

Mikael knew about Even’s preferences and he was okay with it, they grew up together and nothing could change the love and care they had for each other. When Even mentioned it to Mikael years ago he was afraid his friend would push him away or decide that they couldn’t be friends anymore but just like with every obstacle in their lives they got through it together.

“Buddy, I know I said you have a dorky face but you could get any girl in school” He looked at Miakel with a sweet smile, he wanted him to understood he was being honest. “Believe me”. In another time Even would think those words would make Miakel uncomfortable but not anymore, not after 20 years of knowing each other.

“Okay well you need to tell me what you said to Sonja that first time because she fell head over heels for you man” Mikael playfully punched Even’s shoulder but that only reminded him the conversation he has been postponing to have with Sonja. He never thought of himself as a bad person, as someone that breaks someone's heart but he just couldn’t do this any longer. Both needed a bit of freedom.

“It wasn’t anything special man, I just asked her what her favorite movie was and we took it from there” The last thing he wanted to think about was Sonja and their relationship, it was enough with her constant text messages and calls. A part of him was ready to call it borderline harassment but a better part understood that their relationship wasn't easy for her either. To be with someone fucked up like him.

“That's it?” Mikael looked at him like he didn’t believe him. “Come on man, it needs to be som-” And right then Even’s world stopped and there was only one person he was focused on. His Angel.

The tram made a stop and the doors opened letting people rush out. His eyes were stuck in this group of boys that were laughing and making their way to some seats not to far away from Even. There was this dark haired boy that had very prominent eyebrows and it looked like he was very passionate of whatever he was talking about. His Golden Boy was closely attached to him, like he was very precious to him and that made Even feel some type of strange feeling in his stomach. He wasn’t aware of what it was. The other two boys were just enjoying the music coming out the speaker of the cell phone one of them was holding; it was some type of rap.

Even closed his hands tight around his notebook, all he wanted to do was to draw His Golden Boy. Today he was wearing a yellow beanie, grey hoodie and some dark jeans. He looked so comfortable, like he was ready to curled up in blankets on the couch and watch a movie. Even would day dream about often. Exactly, dream.

He wasn’t aware that he was staring until he felt Mikael’s elbow deep in stomach. He turned around and looked at Mikael’s confused gaze, Even blinked a few times trying to come out of his trance. Mikael turned to see what had Even so mesmerized, he lifted his eyebrows and then looked at Even again. There’s was this smile on Mikael’s face that made Even think that he figured it out, but when Mikael was about to say something Even’s phone beeped.

 _ **(14:15) Sonja:**_  
_Please let me know when you get out of therapy_

 **_(14:15) Sonja:_ **  
_I want to come over tonight_

 **_(14:16) Sonja:_ **  
_If you don’t mind_

 ** _(14:16) Sonja:_**  
_I love you_ ❤

Even looked at the messages for a few seconds not knowing what to say. He wanted to say “yes, I love you too” but he couldn’t, it was getting harder and harder. He just locked his phone and put again in his pocket. Thankfully he had disabled the “read” on his phone.

He was relieved that Mikael was just looking at his snpachat, he really didn’t want or had the strength to explained what just happened to him. Apart from Siv he really wasn’t ready to talk about His Golden Boy to anybody else, it was nice to finally have something that was only his. Sometimes he felt guilty for hiding stuff like this from his mom or Sonja but he wasn’t ready to give up that little bit of peace.

The tram intercom made the announce that the next stop was coming soon. Mikael started talking again but he didn’t made an effort to really pay attention, he was just talking about someone’s snapchat or something. He just laughed to what he showed him and continued to no-so-subtle gaze at His Boy. He didn’t seem sad today, he was smiling and laughing which Even loved to see. He just wanted to be the reason behind that smile.

“Isak! Dude you need get us in into Karina’s party on Friday” The black haired boy said in a very loud voice, some people turned to look at them but they acted like they didn’t care.

“I really don’t talk to her much, she just thinks I like her for no reason” His Golden Boy said, trying to sound disinterested or like to try to make the guys just drop the topic. Even looked at him and wondered why.

“But you like her don’t you? Come on man, she is so hot” The blonde guy that was sitting in front of His Boy said, he looked a bit desperate but Even couldn’t hear the answer because he was already walking out of the tram.

_**Isak** _

He finally knows his name and what a beautiful name. He just said it in a whisper to himself afraid of Mikael hearing him. He wondered what it would be like to hear Isak say his name out loud or having him underneath him just screaming his name while…

“Even!” Mikael punched his shoulder bringing him back to reality. “You are so out of it man, what’s going on?”

“Nothing” He looked down to his watch, it was almost 14:30 and he couldn’t be late for his session. He sighed and tried not to meet Mikael’s stare. “Look I have to go, Siv will be mad if I get in late. It’s enough that I haven’t seen her in a few days”

“Okay then” It felt like Mikael didn’t want him to go, and Even was scared that it was because he wanted to keep asking what the hell happened inside of the tram but hopefully by tomorrow this will be out of Mikael’s head. “See you tomorrow” They gave each other a quick hug and parted ways.  
Even walked in to Siv’s office with a few minutes to spare but thankfully the person before Even cancelled so he was told to walk right in. Siv was typing away in her computer, she looked very focused on what she was doing so Even didn’t say a word, he just made his way to his usual spot and sat down just waiting for her to finish.

After a few minutes she looked over to him and smiled, she had one of the sweetest smiles Even has ever known. He wondered if his smile did the same to some people. She got up, took her notepad and sat down in front of him.

“Is nice to see you again Even” Her words didn’t have a hint of anger or frustration in them because of him not coming in lately but she knew better. She understood it was never easy for Even to just come by so she gives him space and time.

“Sorry for not coming by this last few days, I wasn’t feeling well”

“Never feel sorry for that Even, you know you can come whenever you want. I’m just glad you decided to come today” He felt a little bit more relaxed, she knew how to always make him feel that way. It was like she wasn’t expecting perfection from him, he could be himself around her. “Is there a reason why haven’t felt well lately?”

“Um I have been trying to plan the conversation I want to have with Sonja in my head. I haven’t been able to do it” He could feel her writing stuff on her notepad but he continued talking. “I’m a coward.” It wouldn’t be the first time he said that outloud.

“You are not a coward Even. Everybody needs their own time to come to terms with something and even more when you are trying to end a relationship. You finally realized this in not doing any good to you or her and that’s a big step. Give yourself a bit of a credit.”

“I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to make her sad.” He knew it will happen and he was so scared of what Sonja would think of him after it or what she could do but it was even more scarier to keep going with a relationship that meant nothing to him anymore.

“Nobody wants to hurt anymore but sometimes we need to be truthful with each other. It will hurt at first but is better to be honest than to keep lying to yourself.” He thought of the messages she sent to him just a few minutes ago and it felt like his pocket was so heavy. So heavy with those three words.

“Lying gets easier after a while.”

“I know.”

After his conversation with Siv he knew he needed to do something about this whole Sonja thing. He needed to be honest with himself and understand that this relationship was doing more harm than anything else. He cared for her deeply but there wasn’t any love, there never was.

 **_(15:23) Even:_ **  
_I’m finish here. I’m on my way home, if you wanna come over_

 **_(15:23) Even:_ **  
_I think we need to talk_

He continued walking towards the tram stop. He was drained and tired, he just wanted to go home and sleep for hours but that wasn’t gonna be possible. He knew as soon as he sent the last message Sonja will suspect something but he was proud of himself for at least making an effort to be honest. This is not how he thought his day was gonna end up like. Depressed and alone.

When he sat down on the tram he realized something was missing: his notebook. He remember carrying it before his session with Siv but he doesn’t remember to have while being in the office. He made a quick call to Siv’s receptionist and asked her to see if he left it there but she said Siv didn’t see it inside of her office. He started panicking, he opened his backpack and nothing. He even send a message to Mikael to see if he took it.

Until he remembered. When he took his phone from his pocket to looked at the messages he set the notebook on the seat next to him but he doesn’t remember to have taking it. He hung his head and closed his eyes. He felt so defeated and so hopeless, he knew he lost that notebook forever. It felt like he lost His Angel forever, like someone took a part of his soul.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even is hurting.  
> His Golden Boy makes it better.  
> But love isn't for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so happy about the kudos and the comments some of you have made. It makes me want to write so much more.  
> This one was a hard one to write, mostly because it touches some deep stuff at the beginning and stuff that I'm still dealing with.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: At the beginning of the chapter there's a bit of graphic description of self harm, so there's blood involve. If you don't like that or can't ready that type of stuff just pass it until the dialogue begins. Sorry for this, but just for the future this is going to happen every so often just because in my story Even suffers from self harm. So, I'm sorry guys. I will put a trigger warning every time it shows up in a chapter.

_**06-09-17** _

The sight of red and grey were clouding his vision, it was all he could see and think. He was never proud of what he was doing but it made him feel better, it made him feel nothing at all. Numb. Every day his heart and soul were filled with sadness and desperation but when he got to do this everything washed away, just like the water that was pouring down the drain.

The feeling of the cold metal touching his skin made his heart race a little bit, but as soon as he put pressure on it the world stopped and it was just him. No pain. No fears. No sadness. No demons. Absolutely nothing.

His arms, thighs and torso were covered in small and large lines, some of them were a faded pink color and some of them were red still. So new and so fresh, they still hurt when he would touch them but it was a good reminder that he was alive. Even though sometimes he didn’t want to. Deep in his soul he didn’t want to wake up some of the days but he needed to keep going, for his parents. Even if it meant to suffer in silence most of the time.

No one was home, his parents were working and his last class was cancelled so he went straight home just before going to his appointment with Siv. He wasn’t really looking forward to it because she could tell, she always could tell when Even would hurt himself. She would smile at him and ask why he did it, and it was always the same answer _“I needed to feel nothing”_.

One of the first times Even told Siv about his self harm she suggested writing but he told her that he wasn’t good at writing his feelings so she asked what he was good at and he said drawing, so she told him that whenever he was feeling hopeless to just grab a piece of paper and draw whatever it was in his head. Bad or good or scary. Anything.

That’s how he found himself seated on the floor of his bathroom with a new notebook drawing His Angel. That was his peaceful place, his green eyes and his beautiful golden curls. If only he could touch them.

“Even! I’m home” His heart stopped along with his beautiful drawing. His mom wasn’t supposed to be home for another two hours. He got up, cleaned the mess he did in the sink and covered his forearm with the sleeve of his hoodie, hoping the band aid he put on top of the cuts will stop the blood from staining his clothes. “Where are you, sweetie?”

He opened the bathroom door and made his way towards the living room where his mother was. Guilt. That awful feeling covered his entire body every time he would see his mother after doing something like that. He wanted to tell her he was doing it again, he wanted to confess to her what a horrible son he was and how much he was hurting but he couldn’t. The pity and the hurt in his mother eyes was too much the first time.

“Mamma, what are you doing here?” He faked a smile and went to hug her as tight as he could. She didn’t deserve this pain. She didn’t deserve a crazy son.

“Eirik had some personal emergency so he decided to close the gallery a bit earlier today” She put her purse in the near couch and made her way to the kitchen. “Don’t you have an appointment with Siv today?” She opened up the fridge, try to see if there was anything she needed for dinner tonight.

“Yes but my last class was cancelled so I came home first for a bit”

“Is Sonja coming by later? I need to know so I can make a bit more food then” She took the tray that had the ground beef that was defrosting in the sink and put it in the fridge. “I’m making lasagna tonight, you dad almost begged me this morning” She chuckled a bit, her laugh always made Even want to be a child again so he could sit on her lap and fall asleep in her shoulder. Everything was simpler when he was a kid.

“No” Even was playing with his phone, not really looking at anything but just trying to avoid eye contact. He could feel his mamma gaze on him, she gave him time to talk before she spoke again.

“Is everything okay?”

“I broke up with her on monday night” Sonja’s tears and bad words were still ringing in Even’s head. It wasn’t easy and she hated him but it was for the best. He will tell himself that until he believes it.

“Oh Even…” She wrapped her son in a warm hug and gave him a kiss on his forehead. Monster. He was a monster that didn’t deserve any of this but pain. “I’m sorry. I wish you could have told me so I knew not to ask you about her, sweetie”

“Is okay mamma” Even turn his head a bit so he could see his mom for a second. “We were drifting apart and it wasn’t the same anymore. I know you liked her, I’m sorry”

“No, honey, there’s nothing to be sorry about. If you weren’t happy and in love anymore then is understandable that you guys will end it” She looked at him with her gaze full of love and care. “But are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

“I… I don’t know. This… She… I broke her heart mamma” He felt his mom hug him tighter, like she was trying to make him feel better with her hug. But it wasn’t working, he still felt like the worst person for hurting someone who did nothing but care for him. Love wasn’t for him. “I will talk to Siv today about it” His mom understood that he liked to talk with Siv about some stuff first, it gave him some clarity. She never pressured him.

They stayed in the same position for a bit longer, Elise didn’t want to let her son go. She gave him a few sweet kisses on his cheeks and smiled at him. He went to his room to grab his bag and make a quick check on his arms to see if blood transferred to his hoodie. He kissed his mom goodbye and made his way to the tram stop.

He was dreading going to see Siv, he wanted to talk about his breakup but he didn’t want to talk about what just happened a few minutes back in his bathroom. He knew he needed to do better and to have more control over his thoughts but it was hard, sometimes he just prefered to let his arms down and surrender. He was tired of fighting.  
The tram doors opened and he quickly made his way towards his usual seat but something was waiting for him. His notebook. He looked around to see if someone was playing a trick on him. He smiled and took his notebook and set it on his lap, took a deep breath and smiled to himself. It was like reuniting with an old friend, it was one of the sweetest reunions. His fingertips traced the front cover and made their way to open up the book. He saw a note stuck on the first page.

_Note 1:_

_Halla stranger. You left this behind the other day and for what I know you don’t ever leave it out your sight. I haven’t seen you the last few days so hopefully today will be day I can give it back._   
_It’s strange to see myself through other people’s eyes. I tried to do the same (see back of the paper, please don’t judge I’m not a great painter like you are)._   
_And thank you for the drawing the other day, it was really nice. I’m happy to finally know who was the master painter behind it._

_-Isak_

Even needed a few seconds to actually comprehend what he just read. He couldn’t believe Isak saw all of his drawings. Even was a bit sad because this wasn’t the way he wanted to show him his drawings, he always dreamed of them laying in bed and having this sweet conversation on how Even would always see him in the tram and how drawing Isak was his peaceful place. But if this is what got them to meet then so be it.

He turned the piece of paper and there was a not so good drawing of Even but what struck him Even the most that in the drawing Even was smiling. That’s how Isak saw him: happy. He couldn’t help but bring the drawing to his chest and close his eyes briefly. When he opened them again he saw him, he saw the reason for his smile. His Golden Boy.

He was smiling, his cheeks were a beautiful pale pink and his hands were grabbing his phone tight. Like he was nervous. Even wanted to get up and hug him, kiss him even but he couldn’t. His legs didn’t want to function so he opted to rip a blank page of his notebook and write a note.

_Note 2:_

_Hi Isak. Thank you for returning my notebook, I was very devastated because I thought I lost it forever. You made my day even better, well you always do._  
_I’m sorry you had to see those drawings of yourself like this, this is not the way I wanted to show you those. I promise you I’m not a creep, I just draw what I find beautiful._  
_I’m happy to know I made you smile, that was my mission all along. Someone so adorable shouldn’t experience sadness._  
_And let me tell you, your drawing is not bad, with some practice you will become the next Da Vinci. I will gladly help you out, if you let me of course._

_Yours, Even._

When the tram intercom announced their next stop he lifted his gaze and saw that Isak was getting ready to leave. Even waited until he would walk pass by him and give him the note. That’s how it was gonna be, just like two high schoolers that were secretly in love with each other. Passing notes trying no one else to notice because neither of them have the courage to speak up.

Isak looked towards Even and smiled again, that beautiful smile that Even loved so much. Even lifted his hand where he had the piece of paper, Isak looked down and took it in his hand. Their fingers touched for a few seconds but it sent shivers down Even’s spine, he didn’t want that moment to end. But as quickly as it started it ended. Even looked at that beautiful head of blonde curls walking away and all he wanted to do was run after him, keep him in his arms forever.

For the next few days his method of communication was through notes they casually gave each other every time they will see each other in the tram. Sometimes he would be with his friends so he needed to be extra careful on giving the notes to Isak but that didn’t stop him.

**_06-10-17_ **

_Note 3:_

_Hello Even. I’m glad you have your notebook back, I knew that it meant something to you so._   
_For your information I’m not adorable, I’m very manly and very rough. I feel so hurt by all this. And no worries, I found it fascinating that someone would take their time to draw me. Good, I want to learn how to be the next Da Vinci, even tho my strong point is science but well I have that covered._

_The very manly, Isak_

**_06-11-17_ **

_Note 4:_

_Dear Mister Oh-So-Manly, you were right all along. That notebook meant a lot to me but I’m starting a new one. I hope you don’t mind me drawing you again. Is peaceful._   
_I call it like I see it haha. Oh yeah? I let you know that you can be beautiful and manly at the same time, one doesn’t delete the other. Rough? I would like to see that (if you could see my face now I would be winking)._   
_Wow, science boy! That’s amazing. You can teach me science and I can teach you art, deal?._

_Yours, Even._

**_06-12-17_ **

_Note 5:_

_I like that title by the way, I will ask all my friends to call me Mister Oh-So-Manly from now on._   
_No, I don’t mind. And you should start drawing other things, there’s more beautiful things around. I will be boring after a while haha._   
_I’m gonna ignore the comment about my roughness because it wasn’t meant like that but I would like to see you winking, I bet is a bit funny. Are you the type that closes both eyes?._   
_Deal. Teach me your ways Oh-Great-Painter._

_Oh-So-Manly Isak_

**_06-13-17_ **

_Note 6:_

_Please if you let your friends call you like that tell them it was me who invented it, don’t take all the credit. I will love to be there when you tell them haha._   
_You could never be boring, I discover things about you every time I draw you and to be honest is fascinating. No worries, I will show you when I finish my masterpiece._   
_When I call you beautiful is because I think you are beautiful, not because I expect a compliment back. There’s no reason for forgiveness. And no one could be as beautiful as you are._   
_Haha wow, thank you for making fun of me Isak. I will not mentally wink at you anymore, you hurt me deeply._   
_Okay deal. Just quick question, do you think I could have your number? You know, so we can meet to learn about science/art._

_Yours, Even_

As soon as Even finished writing his note he felt butterflies in his stomach, he hasn’t felt like that in a really long time but he knew he needed to make the first step if he wanted to get to know Isak. He was waiting for the tram doors to open and see his beautiful boy get in. Maybe this will be the day he will remember forever.

Isak’s blonde curls were bouncing into the tram, he was laughing and his cheeks were a pale rose. It was such a beautiful sight. Even gaze were stuck in his face until a pair of lips crashed into Isak’s. Even’s world came crashing down, piece by piece. This boy was kissing Isak, so sweetly and so slow. Their hands were intertwined and they didn’t stop looking at each other like they wanted to eat each other up. Even wanted to rip the boy arms that were now around Isak’s waist, he wanted to run and to erase that moment from his mind.

Isak wasn’t his to keep, wasn’t his to kiss, wasn’t his to hug. Isak belonged to someone else.

Even looked at his note and crumbled it, put in deep into his backpacked. The tram made another stop, he got out even if it wasn’t his stop but he couldn’t sit down and look at them any longer. His heart was breaking and it hurt like never before.

Love wasn’t for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my beta reader: Varshi, tumblr: thatgirl-intheback . You are amazing!
> 
> I'm also on tumblr kinggareth :)


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even got himself a wingman and maybe some digits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies.  
> I'm so sorry for taking forever to update.  
> Work got me busy and I have been fighting this depression that is sucking up all my inspiration. I really didn't want this chapter to be incredibly sad so I had to re-write it a couple of times. I'm sorry, really. 
> 
> I have started the next chapter already so is good lol hopefully by middle next week I will have it updated. Is gonna be a fun chapter to write lol but well finally those to dorks are gonna talk so. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos, it makes me want to continue even more. 
> 
> Nenela

_**06-16-17** _

Even never gave him the last note.

Even never made it to Siv’s office.

Even never felt so much pain.

Even got to his room, locked his door and let the darkness consume him.

Even didn’t want to wake up ever again.

So he didn’t.

-

_**06-19-17** _

Every hour felt like years for him, so full of sadness and frustration. Why had he ever thought that someone like Isak would be without someone to love?. Why he ever thought someone like Isak would want someone as broken as him?. Why had _he_ dared to dream of it?.

His mom would come a few times during the day to check on him, to make sure he was at least eating twice a day and drinking some water. She knew this breakdown was worse than every other one and that she need to give him time, but Even didn’t want it. Even wanted time to stop ticking and for just one time in his life to stop thinking about the next day. He just wanted to stop feeling.

He stayed home for the rest of the week, his mom called Siv and the school to let them know he was okay but he wasn’t gonna be going for at least a few more days. The school knew about Even and they were understanding enough to let him turn in his projects via email but Even didn’t have any motivation, not even to draw. Because the only thing he wanted to draw was Isak.

His Golden Boy.

Every time he would close his eyes all he could see was their lips connecting with each other and every time it felt like stab in his heart. He wanted to be the reason behind Isak’s smiles, he wanted to be the one that was able to kiss him to sleep, he wanted to be the one that was allowed to hold his hand while walking down the street. He just wanted to be his.

-

**_06-21-17_ **

He was waking up to the sound of some knocking on his door, he wasn’t sure for how many hours he slept but he was still so tired and so numb. Every bone in his body hurt and his mind was still a mess but he could see light at the end of the tunnel. A glimpse of hope. He took a deep breath and slowly removed the blankets that were covering his body tightly.

“Yes?” He wasn’t sure if the person behind the door heard him because to Even it felt like a whisper.

“Even, Mikael is here.” The room door opened slightly just showing his mom’s light brown hair. Even sat up in bed, gathering a bit of energy to at least talk to him. He knew Mikael has sent him a few messages just telling him that he was there if he needed him, he always gave Even some space when he was severely depressed but after a few days he always showed up.

“Okay mom.” After a few seconds Mikael was entering the room and making his way towards Even’s bed.

“Hey buddy” His voice was calm and full of care. Mikael was there when Even had his first depressive episode, trying to calm him down, trying to understand what was going on, trying to not lose his best friend. He was there when he was feeling like he was worth nothing and that he deserved to disappear. Mikael was next to him on his lows and his highs and Even will never know how to repay every single thing he has ever done for him. Thank you wasn't enough. “Do you wanna go for coffee?”

Mikael always made him go out after days while when he was depressed, even if it was to walk a few blocks around the building. It helped him clear his mind, to realize that the world wasn’t ending and that he was alive after all. So Even nodded and stood up, grabbed some socks and a pair of sneakers and they made their way towards the door. He stood in front of the door for a few seconds; it was hard to even get up from bed. He felt Mikael’s hand on his shoulder, he turned his head and he saw his best friend smile. He could do this for him.

They were walking in silence for a long time, just enjoying the fresh air and looking at the people passing by. Mikael almost never talked when Even was depressed, he always prefered to wait until Even wanted to share something. He never pushed. Even if he hated to go out in times like this he knew it would do him good and he knew Mikael wouldn’t take a no for an answer.

They went to the nearest coffee shop, Even sat down in one of the empty tables almost at the back of the shop and waited until Mikael came back with their coffee. Even wasn’t a big coffee drinker, he liked tea a bit more but he needed something to keep him a bit awake. He needed to start doing some homework and coffee was the only thing that would help him by this point. Mikael walked towards the table trying not to burn his fingers. Black strong coffee for Even and a nice latte for Mikael. At least it smelled nice.

“You know I never try to make you talk when you are like this” Mikael started talking but his eyes were trying to avoid Even’s. “But this time is different, I know it.” Both of them took a sip of their coffee. Mikael was giving him time to speak but Even wasn’t sure what was he asking.

“Mmm” That’s all that came out of Even’s mouth. It was more of a sound that indicated that the coffee was good but Mikael took it as a _“go on, continue talking”_.

“What happened Even? Was it because you broke up with Sonja?” A pain of guilt hit his heart to the sound of her name. She sent some texts to him a few days back but Even’s selfishness was greater than anything else, even if he broke her heart she still cared. But no, it wasn’t her.

“No”

“Is-- is it the boy you are always drawing?” Mikael asked like it he wasn’t sure he should be asking. Even has never talked about Isak apart from Siv so he was surprised about the question. There has been a lot of times he wanted to tell Mikael about his Angel but how do you start a conversation about someone you are in love with but you have never met. He didn’t want to sound crazy, but maybe he was.

“How-- you-- wha-” Words didn’t want to come out of Even’s mouth, his mind was racing with thoughts and questions but he didn’t know how to process what happened. Mikael’s gaze was full of trust, he knew this somehow was a secret that Even was scared to share. Even took a deep breath and close his eyes and nodded. It felt like a weight lifted from his shoulders.

“Did you talk to him? What happened that made you so sad?”

“Ummm I-- I saw him on the tram the other day kissing another guy” It felt like he was talking about how his boyfriend cheated, his voice was so broken and so full of sadness that whoever was listening would have thought he got his heart broken.

“Oh”

“We were sending each other notes for a few days but the other day I saw him get into the tram with this other guy. And… and they were kissing” It was so hard to remember, it was hard to talk about how somebody else was holding the boy he dreamed about every day. “He looked so happy so I couldn’t give him the last note I had written” His coffee was getting colder by the second but he didn’t have the strength to move a finger, let alone make his hand lift a coffee cup. It was harder still to just breathe in that moment.

“So you just stopped sending him notes because of that?” Mikael’s face was just like Even was talking nonsense, like he couldn’t believe he did what he did. He put his cup on the table and got closer to Even. “Look Even, I have noticed you pine after this guy for months now. I have seen your drawings, I know you think nobody sees you but we do. We know about him but it’s not our place to talk about it. This is not just a crush, this is something more. So much more. And I think you need to fight for it” He locked his gaze with Even’s. He sounded so sincere, his words hold so much truth that all that Even wanted to do was to believe him. “You are just assuming they are together, maybe they are not. I’m not saying to go and break a relationship but just be his friend, see how things go. Give yourself a chance.”

He didn’t know if he could only be a friend to Isak just because of how strong his feelings are but just like Mikael said, he needed to give himself a chance. A chance to follow his heart, to see what this path would take him. He was scared of how this would turn out, of hurting Isak, of hurting himself but Isak was worth the risk. Just the thought of having those green eyes and blonde curls in his life was worth every single ounce of pain. If all he brought was happiness then he couldn’t ask for more.

People have been in and out of the coffee shop since Mikael and Even go there but he hasn’t payed attention until he hears the most beautiful laugh and the one that he has been missing for days. He lift his head and his eyes just land on the boy that is behind the counter, wearing a dark apron and some blue jeans. He looked as beautiful as ever, always caring that cupid bow like nobody else. That boy did things to his heart that should be illegal in every universe.

“Mikael…”

“Do you think we are best buddies just because we grew up together?” Mikael was just smiling. Even let go a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He smiled back because he couldn’t believe Mikael knew all along but never said anything, because he never pushed, because he cared, because he wanted Even to be happy, because he was always Even’s person. Because he knew he could never hide anything from Mikael, he saw him all the way through and he was thankful for that. “Just go and talk to him. Go and give yourself a chance to be loved”

Even was glad that he didn’t see Isak before because he wouldn’t know how to function, his mind was always plagued by overly romantic thoughts when he saw his Angel. Breakfast in bed, picking up furniture, movie nights, stupid fights, shower sex. Even couldn’t help to think about how his life would be with Isak by his side, he almost never let himself dream but it always felt forbidden or even impossible but by every step he took towards that counter his dreams seemed a bit more possible.

He needed to allow himself to dream again. His dreams were valid.

He waited in line behind this short brown hair girl. She seemed a bit entertained by her phone that didn’t realized that the person in front of her finished ordering. Even kept his eyes looking at what was in front of him because if he lost sight of his objective he would turn back and go back home.

And just like the doors to paradise those beautiful green eyes made contact with his.

What a beautiful sight that was.

The girl ordered the most complicated coffee there was, Even just wanted to pick her up and move her aside but he just squeezed the side of his arms just waiting for his turn. He really didn’t know what to say. Every ounce of control he had went into not professing his love for the angel in the apron.. Nobody was behind him, he was thankful for that because he already had enough pressure as it was. He tried to control his breathing by focusing on Isak’s blonde curls. It wasn’t working.

“Hi”

Even imagined this moment so many times, every single time it was different. Sometimes he would walk up to Isak and kiss him, other times he would wait for in the tram with flowers, other times he would just play super loud music to declare his love. But this was different because it was actually happening and he had underestimated what that beautiful voice could do to his soul.

“Hi” He walked a bit forward. Isak was even more breathtaking up close, you could see every single shade of green in his eyes. He could see every single freckle, every single imperfection, every little beautiful thing and he couldn't believe he was so lucky. “Sorry I disappeared all of the sudden”

“It’s okay. I thought you went on vacation or something”

“Yea, something like that” Isak giggled and it was incredible how only that sound made Even shiver. “I got your last note”

“Oh cool” _Your smile is the last thing I wanna see when I die_.

“Ummm about that, do yo-” The door from the coffee shop opened up and more people started to come in and line up behind Even. He didn't want this moment to end, he wanted Isak all to himself.

“I will be right with you sir” Isak looked at the gentleman behind Even. “Maybe you can pretend to order something so the people behind you don't get angry” Isak took a cup from the tower next to him and waited until started talking again.

“Oh yes, sorry” He was kinda embarrassed that he was holding up the line but it doesn't happen every day that you are finally talking to your crush. He looked straight into Isak’s eyes and smiled. “Can I have a medium caramel latte and your number?”. He could feel his legs shaking but the expression in Isak’s face made everything worth it. Red cheeks and shiny eyes.

“Medium caramel latte coming right up” Isak put the cup next to him, Even stepped aside and let the next person order their coffee.

After a few minutes of trying to not be a creep and trying not to stare at Isak too long his name was called from the side counter. The girl that was behind it gave Even a wink and kind smile. He took his cup and turned it around, he saw his name next to a phone number.

_Thank you Mikael._


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> texting, texting, texting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies.
> 
> So I enjoyed writing this chapter lol, i always wanted to write a texting chapter. Next chapter will be filled a bit more with dialogue and is gonna be mostly about the party. Is gonna be interesting. Even will start to be more forward and it will be hard for Isak to keep him away, is not like he actually wants to keep Even far. 
> 
> Just to clarify, Even is still at Bakka. In this story he never moved to Nissen and he still friends with the Balloon Squad. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it. Comments and kudos are appreciate it!!. 
> 
> Nenela

_**06-23-17** _

For the next few days all Even did was stare at the contact number in his phone. He thought of many ways how to start a conversation but every time he would write the message he would immediately erase it. He didn’t want to sound like he was desperate, which he obviously was after asking Isak for his number the way he did. He took a deep breath and started typing; it was now or never.

_**(10:15) Even:**_  
Halla Isak :)

_**(10:21) Golden Boy:**_  
Halla?

**_(10:21) Golden Boy:_**  
who’s this??

_**(10:21) Even:**_  
Care to guess?

**_(10:23) Golden Boy:_**  
not in the mood

**_(10:24) Even:_**  
Oh

**_(10:24) Even:_**  
I’m sorry. It’s Even

**_(10:25) Golden Boy:_**  
oh. Hi Even

**_(10:25) Even:_**  
I was kinda hoping for you to recognize my writing

**_(10:25) Golden Boy:_**  
really? you just said Hi. please tell me how you expected me to figure it out from that

**_(10:26) Even:_**  
Maybe you would sense something. You would feel something in you stomach

**_(10:26) Golden Boy:_**  
sorry to disappoint you

**_(10:27) Even_** :  
You could never disappoint me Isak

**_(10:35) Golden Boy:_**  
okay

**_(10:35) Even:_**  
:)

**_(10:35) Even:_**  
What are you doing?

**_(10:37) Golden Boy:_**  
going to the cafeteria

**_(10:37) Golden Boy:_**  
i just left a very boring art history class

**_(10:37) Even:_**  
Let me just tell you art history is not boring

**_(10:38) Even:_**  
It’s very interesting to learn about how other civilizations learn how to express themselves through art

**_(10:40) Golden Boy:_**  
god I forgot you were an art nerd

**_(10:40) Even:_**  
Wow you hurt me Isak

**_(10:41) Even:_**  
And here I thought we had something special after our note exchange

**_(10:41) Golden Boy:_**  
if i had something special with every person i sent a note to well let’s just say that my boyfriend would be very mad

**_(10:44) Even:_**  
I wouldn’t blame him

_Boyfriend._

That was all Even could read on that last message. It was painful, just like somebody ripped his heart and held it in front of eyes and watched him bleed. He knew that Isak had someone that loved him like Even wanted to love him but he still clung to hope pathetically.

**Squad:**

_**(10:52) Elias:**_  
Yooo! you all coming to Jakob’s party tonight?

**_(10:53) Muta:_**  
Hell yea

**_(10:53) Adam:_**  
I heard some Nissen girls are going

**_(10:54) Muta:_**  
will there be beer? or we need to fix?

**_(10:54) Elias:_**  
Even said he will fix it

**_(10:55) Elias:_**  
Even?

**_(10:55) Even:_**  
Hi boys

**_(10:55) Even:_**  
I will fix it, serr

**_(10:56) Mikael:_**  
can I bring Lea? ;)

**_(10:56) Adam:_**  
WHAT?! serr?

**_(10:57) Even:_**  
You finally asked her out buddy?!

**_(10:58) Muta:_**  
go Mikael!

**_(10:58) Muta:_**  
at least one of us is getting some

Even locked his phone and sat in one of the empty classrooms waiting for his next class to start. The squad had some different classes some days, fridays Even always had to sit alone in the cafeteria because the other boys had one more hour of class before their break. He couldn’t take the loud chatter in the cafeteria so he decided to be alone for a bit.

He started thinking of the advice he gave Mikael the other day, how he should just go and talk to Lea. Knowing that Mikael got what he wanted after listening to Even’s advice made him realize that he could get the same, just because Isak had someone didn’t mean he didn’t have a chance. Maybe there was still hope.

He took a deep breath and opened Isak’s conversation again. _Here’s goes nothing_.

**_(11:03) Even:_**  
Are you doing anything tonight?

**_(11:05) Golden Boy:_**  
going to a party Magnus is dragging me to

**_(11:05) Golden Boy:_**  
he thinks he has a chance with one of the girls that will be there

**_(11:05) Golden Boy:_**  
enhance the word thinks

**_(11:06) Even:_**  
Haha you don’t think he can charm her?

**_(11:06) Golden Boy:_**  
who the fuck says charm? how old are you man?

**_(11:06) Even:_**  
66?

**_(11:07) Golden Boy:_**  
oh god! you are like brad pitt in that fucking weird movie where he is born as an old person

**_(11:07) Golden Boy:_**  
i forgot the name shit

**_(11:07) Even:_**  
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

**_(11:08) Golden Boy:_**  
that’s the one!

**_(11:08) Golden Boy:_**  
please tell me you are not an old man

**_(11:08) Golden Boy:_**  
an old person shouldn’t look that good

**_(11:09) Even:_**  
Oh wow, is that a compliment?

**_(11:09) Even:_**  
Do you think I’m good looking?

**_(11:12) Golden Boy:_**  
shut up Even

**_(11:12) Even:_**  
;)

**_(11:13) Golden Boy:_**  
i’m gonna stop talking to you now

**_(11:13) Even:_**  
It’s okay, you said I was good looking

**_(11:13) Even:_**  
That’s all I need

**_(11:14) Golden Boy:_**  
bye even

He couldn’t stop smiling. Even if it was for the stupidest reason, it felt like an accomplishment. Isak thought he was good looking and that meant a lot to Even. He wanted to invite Isak to Jakob’s party but he couldn’t after knowing he had other plans, he knew Isak wouldn’t choose to go to a party with someone he barely knows then going somewhere else with his friends.

The bell rang and some people started to enter the classroom where he was sitting and smiling to himself. He put his phone on silent and put it inside his pocket. There was something that changed in him because of the simple fact that Isak called him good looking, something inside of Even shifted. He was ready to fight who ever just to get this chance with him, even if Isak wasn’t his to fight for.

-

The squad came to Even’s house for the pre-game, Even’s parents went for a dinner and a movie so the house was all for themselves. Even went after school to buy the guys favorite beer and also to get some weed from his dealer, they liked to smoke a bit every time they were going to a party. Jakob’s parties usually involved a lot of drama but there was always a lot of good alcohol and that’s why people would always go. Tonight was no exception.

Jakob’s house was packed, people were practically coming out of the windows and you could hear the music from a block away.

The boys got in saying hi to Lea and some of her friends that were waiting for them at the door. Mikael quickly put his arm around her waist and made their way through the crowd. Even smiled and shook his head, he was happy for Mikael. The rest of the squad made their way to the kitchen to get some beers from the fridge and made their way back to the living room. They were trying to talk to each other but the music was too loud but his eyes started wandering around until his eyes stopped to look at a beautiful face.

_**His Golden Boy.** _


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wingman, a party and a lot of alcohol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies. 
> 
> Sorry for taking a bit tooo long for this chapter. I know i know me and my excuses lol I mean all i can say is that life got in the way and I couldn't find a lot of time to write but well here it is and I hope you guys enjoy it!.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcome.
> 
> Nenela

_**06-23-17** _

Even couldn’t see anything else around him and he really didn’t care what was going on Not when the most beautiful person Even had ever known entered the house; the boy that hasn’t left his mind for one second since he saw him in the tram three months ago. The boy whose smile made his heart skip a beat. The boy that without knowing would just take his breath away, every single time. The boy that was more beautiful than any work of art, that had the most beautiful dimples and the most kissable lips.

There wasn’t anything else that Even wanted more than to give that boy the whole universe.

The beer that was in his hand was getting warmer by the minute but he couldn’t find the will to just walk to the kitchen to get some more, the fear of losing sight of Isak was bigger than his thirst.

Just then, like a sign, the same beautiful green eyes looked up at him with an attached crooked smile.Even found out right then that looking at those eyes was like looking at the sun, it was blinding but for some reason you wanted to keep looking. It was addictive. Even smiled at Isak, and lifted his beer in sign of acknowledgment.

And just like that his legs started to move, like they had brains of their own. Every step closer to Isak seemed like he was entering the most peaceful and serene meadow, all the music and the chatter around him was long gone and it was only Isak and him. Just like every dream, just like every single promise. _You and me_.

“Hi!”

“Small world isn’t it?” Even said while standing next to Isak, he could feel the warmth coming from the blonde boy body. It felt so nice, like being home.

“Yea”

“You know Jakob?”

“Not really, he is friends with Jonas.” Isak said while pointing to the boy with prominent eyebrows that was casually talking to other to guys next to Isak. “I just got dragged here because of Magnus.”

“So you are like a wingman?”

“I don’t think him having a wingman would help; he is a lost case.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“If only you knew how desperate he is.” Even could imagine because there he was, the most desperate of them all, standing next to boy he has been pining for a long time now.

“Sometimes showing how desperate you are is the best tactic.” He turns his head and realizes that Isak is staring at him with those starry eyes of his. He stares right back, no shame.

“Isak! my man!” A boy with blonde hair and very loud voice slapped Isak’s shoulder so hard that he bumped his left arm with Even’s. A shiver went through his spine, he missed the touch already. “Can I go for it with Emma? It won’t be weird right?”

“Magnus” Isak took a deep breath and closed his eyes like this wasn’t the first time the question came up. “How many times I need to tell you I don’t like girls?”

“Dude I need to make sure it won’t be weird.”

“I made out with her one time! It’s not like we dated.” Isak's rolled his eyes, he was done with that conversation before it started.

“That’s further than Magnus has ever gotten.” The boy with the eyebrows couldn't hold his laughter.

“Mahdi that’s so not cool man.”

“See what I told you?” Isak said while looking at Even. He couldn’t help but laugh at Magnus face

“And you are?” The boy with really big eyebrows said while pointing to Even.

“Oh sorry.” Even quickly extended his hand. “Even”

“Jonas”

“Mahdi”

“Magnus” He in particular had a really confused face, like he was trying to figure something out. “Even? Eve-Oh are you the guy tha-”

“Hey Jonas! Can you get me a beer?” Isak said while moving a bit towards Jonas.

“Umm sure man.”

“Mahdi come on man help me here! If you help me I will help you find a girl tonight.” Magnus said, his hands were clapped together like he was praying. Mahdi didn’t seem impressed, he was looking at the blonde boy incredulously.

“Dude the day you find me a girl will be the day that Isak is straight.”

“Fuck off!” Isak slightly shoved Mahdi. Even couldn’t help but be captivated by this group of friends, how they showed their appreciation by insults and playful shoves.

The two other boys made their way through the crowd leaving Isak and Even standing alone. Isak seemed a bit uncomfortable, his hands lightly tapping the top of his thighs and trying to avoid Even’s gaze. It was rather endearing. Even smiled to himself and lightly bumped Isak’s shoulder.

“Wanna go outside?” Even said while looking inside of his pocket for the joint he brought to the party. “This will help make this party even better.” He holds the joint in front of Isak, the boy smiles and nods.

“How do you know Jakob?” Isak says while taking a long drag. It was chilly outside but Even didn’t feel the cold, with Isak’s leg was pressed against his. He had never felt so warm.

“He goes to the same school as me.”

“Where?”

“Bakka, third yea.r” Isak passed the joint to Even and their fingers touched slightly. Even would be lying if he says that didn’t excite him. “Where do you go?”

“Nissen, second year.”

“Aww you are such a baby.” All Even wanted to was to grab Isak’s cheeks and pinch them but he didn’t, he put his hand inside of the pocket of his hoodie and keep smoking.

“Shut up” Isak furrowed his eyebrows and lifted his shoulders a bit, he looked very offended but all that Even could see was a beautiful angel with rosy cheeks. “I’m not a baby! It’s not my fault that you are like 60 years old.”

“Good thing about being old is that I’m full of wisdom.” Even looked at Isak with a sweet smile but the young boy was all giggles. If there was one sound Even wanted to hear for the rest of his life was Isak’s laugh. It made his heart full, bursting with happiness and love.

_**Love.** _

Yes, that’s easily got to be what love feels like.

“No Even, being old is about smelling bad and poor hearing.”

“Wow why do you keep hurting me Isak?” He put his hand on top of his chest where his heart was, pretending he was hurt. “You are just telling me I smell?”

“Haha no, I’m ju-” Isak’s phone started ringing. He took it from his back pocket. Even looked at the name on the screen. _Anders_. The blonde boy took a deep breath and sighed, he blocked his phone and put it on his back pocket again.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yea, just my boyfriend.” Isak turned his head to look at Even. He had this weird expression, like he was sad but confused at the same time.

“Are you guys okay?”

“No” Even held Isak’s gaze. His eyes went to Isak’s lips and back to his eyes again. His thoughts were happy and sad, he didn’t like seeing Isak suffering but he couldn’t help but feel hopeful that his relationship was in trouble. _I’m a horrible person_.

“Bro!” The door of the backyard opened up making Isak and Even jump. “I thought you left. Here’s your beer.” As soon as Isak took the bottle he started to shove it down. “Anders texted me by the way, he is worried you didn’t answer.”

“Fy faen! Could he just stop doing that? If I don’t answer, is probably because I don’t want to talk.” Isak just put his face on his hands. He sounded tired and all Even wanted to do was to make him happy, to make him forget.

“Joint?” Even offered

“Thanks” Isak took it and took a long drag. All the smoke coming out of those beautiful lips were doing things to Even. He was already a bit tipsy from the pre-game but just looking at Isak’s face made him feel dizzy. He couldn’t stop staring but he couldn’t find any fucks to give anymore.

“You know what you need bro?” Isak lifted his head and blowed out the last puff of smoke and looked at Jonas. “Tequila shots.”

They made their way to the kitchen looking for the tequila bottle Jonas said he saw above the fridge. They pushed through some people that were gather around the kitchen island and got the full bottle. Isak decided they didn’t need cups and started to pour some tequila into his open mouth. It was a sight that got Even imagining things that involved Isak, a bed and some champagne. Even quickly shook his head and took the bottle from the blonde boy’s hands.

He didn’t remember how long or how many shots each one took but he was a bit drunk, he still knew where he was and that Isak was very much pressed against the side of his body. Jonas left to look for the other boys around half an hour ago and took the bottle with him. Isak stood bumbling things that he couldn’t understand.

“Evyyy!” Isak lifted his head and smiled at Even. No one has ever called him that and he wasn’t sure if he liked it but if it was coming from Isak’s mouth he would take it. “I’m dru-drunk.”

“That you are.” He was trying to hold Isak, the young boy legs were giving out by the second. “Hey let’s get you to sit down somewhere okay?” He grabbed Isak’s arm and put it around his shoulders and put his other hand around his waist, he always dreamed to have Isak close to him but in his dreams Isak was sober.

“I don’t wannaaaa.” He sounded like a baby, the cutest and softest baby Even got to hold. Even knew right then that if it wasn’t for the alcohol, Isak would be avoiding his touch and being the shy boy he is, but he couldn’t deny he liked this side of Isak. It was very cute.

“Do you want me to call your boyfriend to come and pick you up?” Get those words out of his mouth were like fire and it hurt his lips but he wanted Isak to be safe and he wasn’t gonna leave this beautiful boy by himself.

“Uuughh” Isak groaned while being dragged to the front door by Even. “I don’t wa-wanna to even talk to him. He is so pushy and he is-” Even tripped trying to get out of the house but managed to keep a hold of Isak. “I like him but- but he is not you”.

Even felt how his heart stopped for a second. He couldn’t believe what his hears wearing listening to. Isak just basically told him that he liked him, that he _liked_ liked him. He took a deep breath and tried to shake the alcohol from his system somehow. All he wanted to do was to look that boy in the eyes and tell him he liked him too but he couldn’t, he didn’t even know Isak knew what he was saying or doing.

He sat Isak down on the stairs in front of the door and sat down next to him. He felt Isak’s hand on the back of his neck making his head turn around to look at him and all he saw was stars. It was like an entire galaxy was trapped inside of those green eyes.

“Even”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta reader: Varshi, tumblr: thatgirl-intheback . You are amazing!  
> I'm also on tumblr kinggareth :)


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